Behavior Response Library

Question 1

What should I say when my child is hitting or kicking me?

Accepted Answer

Use declarative language: 'I notice your body is telling you something big right now. I'm going to keep us both safe.' Then focus on safety — move yourself and other children out of range, reduce sensory input, and wait for the wave to pass before problem-solving.

Question 2

What should I do when my child has a meltdown in public?

Accepted Answer

First, regulate yourself — your nervous system sets the tone. Say something simple: 'I can see this is really hard right now. I'm right here with you.' Focus on reducing stimulation (move to a quieter spot if possible), ignore any stares, and prioritize your child's felt safety over anyone else's comfort.

Question 3

How do I respond when my child refuses to go to school?

Accepted Answer

Start with your own mindset: school refusal is communication, not defiance. Say: 'I'm noticing school feels really hard right now. I wonder what's making it tough.' Then work on reducing the demand — explore what specifically feels unsafe and make a collaborative plan to address those barriers.

Question 4

What should I say when my child won't get off electronics?

Accepted Answer

Avoid commands — use declarative language: 'I notice you've been on screens for a while. I'm wondering what your body needs right now.' Create transition rituals ahead of time rather than demanding immediate compliance. The battle isn't about the screen — it's about the transition.

Question 5

How do I handle siblings fighting physically?

Accepted Answer

Prioritize safety first — separate the children calmly. Avoid assigning blame or asking 'who started it.' Say: 'I can see you're both really upset. I'm going to help us figure this out.' Then address each child's unmet need individually before bringing them back together.

1:1:1 Behavior Response Library